11/28/2023 0 Comments Gym resolutioners are the worst![]() ![]() You’ll either burn out, get injured, or both. Have a plan! Running five miles the first time out is a recipe for disaster. I’m not saying there aren’t days when I look forward to that last lap, but if you’re not enjoying yourself to some degree, you will never stick with an exercise program.Ģ. Any therapist will tell you that small changes tend to take hold, while wholesale shifts almost always fall flat. These kinds of small-but-significant steps are more enjoyable, they reinforce your new mindset, and they build the kind of base that leads to greater things. Park at the far end of the Whole Foods parking lot. Being active is its own reward, so don’t relegate exercise to the gym. An active life is a mindset! If you dread going to the gym, it won’t work out, and neither will you. Perhaps, armed with the appropriate information, these out-of-shape, resolution-driven folks might last long enough to, in turn, make fun of next year’s New Year’s resolutioner crop.ġ. Instead of turning to the dark side (even though it’s far funnier), I will endeavor to use my journalistic powers for good. So, rather than taunt my newbie gym brethren with tales of their endlessly circling through the parking to find the closest spot, racing me in the swimming pool, or standing in the middle of the running track just to gab, I thought it might be prudent to take a slightly different tack. Why, that stodgy crowd completely failed to appreciate my wonderful sense of humor in a previous Beacon-News column describing their interesting proclivities in detail. What’s worse is, these folks think “Gym Etiquette” is the French guy who hosts an aerobics show on the Oprah Winfrey Network.īut sadly, it turns out that New Year’s resolutioners can be a tad sensitive and rather surly bunch. ![]() ![]() Though they desperately try to hide it, any athlete who can actually point to their quads can pick ’em out faster than Donald Trump at a Hairclub For Men holiday banquet. Yes! We’re talking about the dreaded New Year’s Resolutioner, or as a good friend likes to call ’em, “the six weekers,” because 90 percent of them will disappear by Valentines Day, never to be heard from again.Ĭompletely clueless and armed with utterly unrealistic expectations, they descend upon Patchland health clubs like locusts with the sole intent of making the rest of our workout lives miserable. Much worse! Because the first month of every year brings out a life form those of us with long-term gym memberships fear even more than Michelle Bachmann. You barely claw your way through the ever-expanding holiday season by clinging to the promise of Jan. How To Make Your New Year’s Workout Resolution Last But sadly, since the Tribune bought those former Sun-Times properties, the old Net content actually did disappear.īut thankfully, my Patch columns still stand! So here’s the column I wrote after getting excoriated for making fun of those folks who’s workout program inevitably comes to a crashing halt after Valentines Day. With KDOT Director Carl Schoedel aptly making fun of what I used to call “the dreaded New Year’s Resolutioner,” I thought it would be fun to reprint my original piece on that subject in all it’s satirical glory. ![]()
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